Richer Communication by Nurturing Engaged Listening

by Bodhi Mandala, The Buddhist Channel, 21 January 2024

How does mindfulness nurture the development of engaged listening ?

New Delhi, India -- Mindfulness and engaged listening or "active listening" share a deep connection. Cultivating mindfulness brings us into the present moment, including full attention to the speaker. This heightened awareness enables us to receive without judgment and without immediate response formulation, the core of attentive reception.

Being present mindfully, we can receive more deeply and understand the nuances within the dialogue. Just as a pianist grows more sensitive to music layers through practice, we can discern meaning layers in spoken words through mindfulness. This non-reactive reception allows us to hear not just words, but also to sense emotions and intentions behind them.

Moreover, mindfulness aids us in maintaining a non-identifying manner while receiving. This means we are aware of the dialogue without getting entangled in our own biases or preconceptions. We receive with an open heart, embodying the qualities of the four brahma-viharas, which are loving-kindness, compassion, equanimity, and altruistic joy.

Some psychologists believe that individuals who can perceive an interaction holistically, rather than merely being in the moment and responding to the last spoken words with the first thought that comes to mind, are often highly intelligent.

This engaged listening skill requires more than just silence while someone speaks. Engaged listening involves attentive reception, a situation when someone can listen to you at length, truly absorbing what you’re saying, and not interrupt.

Attentive receivers respond with questions because they are genuinely curious about what you’re saying. They can hold their questions in their mind until you finish instead of interrupting to clarify or to share a thought they had just because you reminded them of it.

Some individuals are naturally gifted with these engaged listening skills from an early age, and often receive feedback like, ‘You’re so easy to talk to!’ or ‘I feel like I’m the only person in the room when we talk.

Others can develop the ability through practice. To do so one needs to maintain eye contact with your conversation partners, sit still instead of fidgeting, and wait for people to finish their thoughts before speaking. Internalizing what the other person is saying, rather than focusing exclusively on your own thoughts, can also help.

The skill can help you create long-lasting connections with the people around you. Talking to someone who is an attentive listener will often have someone leaving the conversation feeling seen, heard, and validated from their interaction.

In essence, mindfulness enhances our ability to engage in attentive reception by fostering a state of choiceless awareness, where we are receptive to all aspects of the conversation without distraction or personal agenda. This allows for a richer, more empathetic, and more connected form of communication.